This is one of my favorite songs and it is so beautiful right here at Christmas time. Read the words and ponder them with your heart. May the spirit fill you with many blessings.
"Tears are falling, hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You've been promised, we've been waiting
Welcome Holy Child Welcome Holy Child
Hope that you don't mind our manger
How I wish we would have known
But long-awaited Holy Stranger
Make Yourself at home Please make Yourself at home
Bring Your peace into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled
Word now breaking Heaven's silence
Welcome to our world Welcome to our world
Fragile finger sent to heal us
Tender brow prepared for thorn
Tiny heart whose blood will save us
Unto us is born Unto us is born
So wrap our injured flesh around You
Breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin and make us holy
Perfect Son of God Perfect Son of God
Welcome to our world"-Chris Rice
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Dear Hootie,
We are so excited to have you come into our lives. We have been waiting so long for your arrival and Barrett is thrilled at the thought of having a baby brother to care for and play with. He can't wait to hold you and feed you and read his books to you. When I asked him if he was ready to have a baby brother, he told me, "I'll be gentle"!
We know that you will be happy here with us and we will work so hard to be sure that you have all that you need. You will always have plenty of love. We can't wait to hold you and kiss you and hug you. Barrett will pat you and tell you not to cry when you are sad. He also said he
wants to tell you that we will get you something to drink when you are thirsty.
Daddy has painted your nursery a beautiful shade of blue. He is getting all your furniture together and mommy will soon start decorating. I am going to paint some pictures for your walls. Maybe some monkeys, giraffes and an elephant too.
It won't be long before you are here. Christmas is almost here and then it will be almost time! I go to the doctor next week to see how big you are and how much you weigh. Everyone says what a big boy you are. My tummy is huge! You move around a great deal; especially yesterday.
We have some ultrasound pictures of you, but we can't wait to see your face and hold you in our arms. We already love you so much and can't wait to bring you home to live with us.
We love you,
Mommy, Daddy & Barrett
We know that you will be happy here with us and we will work so hard to be sure that you have all that you need. You will always have plenty of love. We can't wait to hold you and kiss you and hug you. Barrett will pat you and tell you not to cry when you are sad. He also said he
wants to tell you that we will get you something to drink when you are thirsty.
Daddy has painted your nursery a beautiful shade of blue. He is getting all your furniture together and mommy will soon start decorating. I am going to paint some pictures for your walls. Maybe some monkeys, giraffes and an elephant too.
It won't be long before you are here. Christmas is almost here and then it will be almost time! I go to the doctor next week to see how big you are and how much you weigh. Everyone says what a big boy you are. My tummy is huge! You move around a great deal; especially yesterday.
We have some ultrasound pictures of you, but we can't wait to see your face and hold you in our arms. We already love you so much and can't wait to bring you home to live with us.
We love you,
Mommy, Daddy & Barrett
Hootie
Brandon & I have had the most difficult time naming our child. If he had been a girl, it would have been easy...Baylee would have been her name. However, a boy name is much more complicated. We have tossed around several names but none quite as strong and powerful with sticking power as has been Hootie. It was all Barrett's idea and the word spread fast. For lack of a better name, he has been just that for quite some months. Now when we try to suggest another name, Barrett will not hear of it. His brother's name is Hootie and that is that.
Because of Mary
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
—Genesis 2:18, 21-24
Looking back on this past year, I feel a mix of emotions potentially due to being eight months pregnant. We have been through so much over these past twelve months as a couple, as parents, as a family. All of the trials are constant reminders that Brandon and I are no longer complete as individuals and we need each other to remain whole. Not only do we need each other but we now have Barrett who depends on us and our little bundle in my tummy needs us too! I am happy to share this bundle of joy with Brandon in January, 2010 and let him carry him for a while!
January, 2009-After three years of agonizing pain following my first pregnancy, the doctors finally decided to remove my Gal-Bladder. It was instant relief and seems to have cured what ailed me.
Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.
—Proverbs 22:6
The months went by... Barrett had his third birthday in March and we celebrated with a train theme and even had a real train to ride on at his party. It was a wonderful celebration and Barrett seemed to enjoy every minute. Summer came and the weather was hot. Summer was a blast this year! Barrett became an instant swimmer. We had great outings together, he and I. He had come to the age where he was much more independent which allowed me to breathe again and concentrate on not only just him but our family and home as a whole. Then potty training hit like a freight train! For the first time, I felt myself lose control of my little boy and experience every parent’s worst nightmare. My child became defiant and unruly. It was a disaster. My conscience told me I was pushing too hard, however, there are rules regarding potty training and preschool and I knew how much he needed to be accepted into preschool. So against my better judgment, we trudged on. Many tears were shed and I thought I may still be fighting this uphill battle in Kindergarten. Oh, how the teachers will talk about my child, I thought. None of them will want him in their class!
August. It came all too quickly. The heat of the summer remained. Only my time to get this child “ready” for preschool (whatever that means) came to a screeching halt. His teacher called me on the phone to discuss the beginning of school. The much dreaded conversation. The summation of a decision that would most certainly affect my child’s future was before me... To tell the truth or to fudge… I must not lie that would only create a disaster. I will just tell her that he is not ready. We will keep things the same for him for another year. He can play with Grandmommy in the mornings and Gigi in the afternoons. They can help me get him “ready”. We need to buy more time and always there’s next year. I returned the teacher’s call and told her that he was not ready. He was not even potty trained. She was such a delight and told me not to worry. Pottying would be a goal for many children in the class and they would be focusing on this goal and spend lots of time in the restroom. I began to relax. He was going to be fine! Then came the first day. His first day ever in a structured environment. He did not get a great, he did not get a good, he got a FAIR. My heart was broken. They don’t love my child! How can any child get a fair on his first day of school? My hormones had kicked into gear as I was now around four months into my second pregnancy. I was devastated. Worry crept in and my emotions were at their peak. I began to doubt my decision to even put him in preschool much less the preschool where I worked. It was a tough couple of months. Then, he adjusted and things got better. He is now potty trained!!! He had wonderful teachers that loved him and supported him through so much drama as he reluctantly mastered this goal.
Meanwhile…
The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. He will drive out your enemy before you, saying, 'Destroy him!'
—Deuteronomy 33:27
Satan was at work trying to disguise my Lord’s master plan for our life and family. He first hit through our church. He loves to come in and weaken people so that he can get a foothold. He was allowed to come in and destroy and devastate a body of people in a way that broke many a heart and divided a congregation. We, the Bridgmons at this time are not attending a church that my family has been a part of for fifty years. It is one of the most sorrowful experiences I have had to go through in my thirty years of life.
He also tried to get into our home by hitting us in the financial gut. We have never been comfy cozy in our finances as Brandon is a small business owner and I decided to take a job that allows for me to spend as much time as I can with my child while providing the best insurance around for my family. There have been struggles but never have we hit a hurdle like we did this year. We hit it head on and hard! We completed Dave Ramsey’s FPU in the spring and had made changes to our lifestyle which included not spending as much money going out to eat, closing credit card accounts, saying no to “stuff” and avoiding temptations known as “cheetahs”. So, here we are smack dab in the middle of my pregnancy, in a huge recession, broke-no sign of a lender anywhere and our credit card accounts CLOSED! It would have been a great time for us to have had spiritual guidance from a loving pastor only that was not the case. I would love to say that we never had a cross word toward one another or that we did not allow Satan’s conniving ways to cause confusion and turmoil in our home. I would love to say that Brandon was able to immediately find another source of income and that we were not affected in the least financially or emotionally. In all honesty, times were hard and we were broken.
Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart; lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways; acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.
—Proverbs 3:5, 6
November-A time of celebration and Thanksgiving. God is good all the time! He always has a plan even when we can not see what He is up to. The job search was much more difficult than we had anticipated. Jobs are scarce. Unemployment is high. Times are tough for many, I am afraid. We were not alone. Brandon applied everywhere! It was a humbling experience to say the least but we were not too proud to have him provide for our family no matter what extra job he had to take. Only it took so very long!
Brandon started work in management at Pizza Hut on the first Thursday in December. That was around the time my doctor told me to do NOTHING when I came home from work due to my pregnancy health issues. We had to cut back on so much and now I could not do simple household chores and errands while his work load was doubling. I would like to say that I never felt sorry for myself and that I was prepared to be without Brandon in the evenings. I wish I could say that we do not miss him every single night and worry about him while he is working so hard and comes home so tired. I would like to tell you that Barrett does not miss him terribly. I would like to be able to say that neither of us is ever grumpy or stressed. Honestly, times are still hard and we are still broken.
December-We are so blessed. We know that our God will provide for us our every need. Look what He has done so far. We have each other, our home, our families, our pets and our beautiful child who is soon to have a baby brother. We anticipate great things in 2010. God never promised the road would be easy, but He did promise to walk with us and even to carry us in the tough times. Right now we are cradled in his arms. A place that should be so safe, so comfortable. Why do we long to be so self sufficient when he promises to take care of our every need?
I think about Mary as we approach the Christmas season. I don’t know if her belly was as big as mine but I know that her heart must have been broken when she had to leave her family and her town and go to Bethlehem. As I ponder this life- my unfinished story of two people raising two children in a broken world, I sometimes fear uncertainty. But I look to Mary as a role model. She did not feel sorry for herself. She did what she had to do to take care of herself and her unborn child. She and Joseph were obedient even though they could not see exactly what God had planned for their lives and they too must have wondered at times, why, God? I am so glad that this couple went to Bethlehem and that Mary gave birth there to my Savior, Jesus. I am so thankful that Mary and Joseph followed the Lord’s plan even in the tough times. Because of Mary, God has a plan for my life and her child is holding my hand.
As we celebrate Christmas this year, may we remember the birth of our Lord and remember his words of comfort, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world.”-John 16:33
—Genesis 2:18, 21-24
Looking back on this past year, I feel a mix of emotions potentially due to being eight months pregnant. We have been through so much over these past twelve months as a couple, as parents, as a family. All of the trials are constant reminders that Brandon and I are no longer complete as individuals and we need each other to remain whole. Not only do we need each other but we now have Barrett who depends on us and our little bundle in my tummy needs us too! I am happy to share this bundle of joy with Brandon in January, 2010 and let him carry him for a while!
January, 2009-After three years of agonizing pain following my first pregnancy, the doctors finally decided to remove my Gal-Bladder. It was instant relief and seems to have cured what ailed me.
Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.
—Proverbs 22:6
The months went by... Barrett had his third birthday in March and we celebrated with a train theme and even had a real train to ride on at his party. It was a wonderful celebration and Barrett seemed to enjoy every minute. Summer came and the weather was hot. Summer was a blast this year! Barrett became an instant swimmer. We had great outings together, he and I. He had come to the age where he was much more independent which allowed me to breathe again and concentrate on not only just him but our family and home as a whole. Then potty training hit like a freight train! For the first time, I felt myself lose control of my little boy and experience every parent’s worst nightmare. My child became defiant and unruly. It was a disaster. My conscience told me I was pushing too hard, however, there are rules regarding potty training and preschool and I knew how much he needed to be accepted into preschool. So against my better judgment, we trudged on. Many tears were shed and I thought I may still be fighting this uphill battle in Kindergarten. Oh, how the teachers will talk about my child, I thought. None of them will want him in their class!
August. It came all too quickly. The heat of the summer remained. Only my time to get this child “ready” for preschool (whatever that means) came to a screeching halt. His teacher called me on the phone to discuss the beginning of school. The much dreaded conversation. The summation of a decision that would most certainly affect my child’s future was before me... To tell the truth or to fudge… I must not lie that would only create a disaster. I will just tell her that he is not ready. We will keep things the same for him for another year. He can play with Grandmommy in the mornings and Gigi in the afternoons. They can help me get him “ready”. We need to buy more time and always there’s next year. I returned the teacher’s call and told her that he was not ready. He was not even potty trained. She was such a delight and told me not to worry. Pottying would be a goal for many children in the class and they would be focusing on this goal and spend lots of time in the restroom. I began to relax. He was going to be fine! Then came the first day. His first day ever in a structured environment. He did not get a great, he did not get a good, he got a FAIR. My heart was broken. They don’t love my child! How can any child get a fair on his first day of school? My hormones had kicked into gear as I was now around four months into my second pregnancy. I was devastated. Worry crept in and my emotions were at their peak. I began to doubt my decision to even put him in preschool much less the preschool where I worked. It was a tough couple of months. Then, he adjusted and things got better. He is now potty trained!!! He had wonderful teachers that loved him and supported him through so much drama as he reluctantly mastered this goal.
Meanwhile…
The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. He will drive out your enemy before you, saying, 'Destroy him!'
—Deuteronomy 33:27
Satan was at work trying to disguise my Lord’s master plan for our life and family. He first hit through our church. He loves to come in and weaken people so that he can get a foothold. He was allowed to come in and destroy and devastate a body of people in a way that broke many a heart and divided a congregation. We, the Bridgmons at this time are not attending a church that my family has been a part of for fifty years. It is one of the most sorrowful experiences I have had to go through in my thirty years of life.
He also tried to get into our home by hitting us in the financial gut. We have never been comfy cozy in our finances as Brandon is a small business owner and I decided to take a job that allows for me to spend as much time as I can with my child while providing the best insurance around for my family. There have been struggles but never have we hit a hurdle like we did this year. We hit it head on and hard! We completed Dave Ramsey’s FPU in the spring and had made changes to our lifestyle which included not spending as much money going out to eat, closing credit card accounts, saying no to “stuff” and avoiding temptations known as “cheetahs”. So, here we are smack dab in the middle of my pregnancy, in a huge recession, broke-no sign of a lender anywhere and our credit card accounts CLOSED! It would have been a great time for us to have had spiritual guidance from a loving pastor only that was not the case. I would love to say that we never had a cross word toward one another or that we did not allow Satan’s conniving ways to cause confusion and turmoil in our home. I would love to say that Brandon was able to immediately find another source of income and that we were not affected in the least financially or emotionally. In all honesty, times were hard and we were broken.
Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart; lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways; acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.
—Proverbs 3:5, 6
November-A time of celebration and Thanksgiving. God is good all the time! He always has a plan even when we can not see what He is up to. The job search was much more difficult than we had anticipated. Jobs are scarce. Unemployment is high. Times are tough for many, I am afraid. We were not alone. Brandon applied everywhere! It was a humbling experience to say the least but we were not too proud to have him provide for our family no matter what extra job he had to take. Only it took so very long!
Brandon started work in management at Pizza Hut on the first Thursday in December. That was around the time my doctor told me to do NOTHING when I came home from work due to my pregnancy health issues. We had to cut back on so much and now I could not do simple household chores and errands while his work load was doubling. I would like to say that I never felt sorry for myself and that I was prepared to be without Brandon in the evenings. I wish I could say that we do not miss him every single night and worry about him while he is working so hard and comes home so tired. I would like to tell you that Barrett does not miss him terribly. I would like to be able to say that neither of us is ever grumpy or stressed. Honestly, times are still hard and we are still broken.
December-We are so blessed. We know that our God will provide for us our every need. Look what He has done so far. We have each other, our home, our families, our pets and our beautiful child who is soon to have a baby brother. We anticipate great things in 2010. God never promised the road would be easy, but He did promise to walk with us and even to carry us in the tough times. Right now we are cradled in his arms. A place that should be so safe, so comfortable. Why do we long to be so self sufficient when he promises to take care of our every need?
I think about Mary as we approach the Christmas season. I don’t know if her belly was as big as mine but I know that her heart must have been broken when she had to leave her family and her town and go to Bethlehem. As I ponder this life- my unfinished story of two people raising two children in a broken world, I sometimes fear uncertainty. But I look to Mary as a role model. She did not feel sorry for herself. She did what she had to do to take care of herself and her unborn child. She and Joseph were obedient even though they could not see exactly what God had planned for their lives and they too must have wondered at times, why, God? I am so glad that this couple went to Bethlehem and that Mary gave birth there to my Savior, Jesus. I am so thankful that Mary and Joseph followed the Lord’s plan even in the tough times. Because of Mary, God has a plan for my life and her child is holding my hand.
As we celebrate Christmas this year, may we remember the birth of our Lord and remember his words of comfort, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world.”-John 16:33
Friday, June 26, 2009
Summer of Death
My summer began with the passing of my dad's brother, my Uncle Bobby. We memorialized and buried him all the while attempting to explain heaven appropriately and comprehensible to a three year old child. As we walked as a family to the burial site my son stated matter of factly that he did not want to go to heaven and he asked if his cousin, Piper was going to heaven. When we talk about Uncle Bobby, he knows that he went to heaven. His idea of heaven, however is an enigma.
It has been said death comes in three's. There was Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and then Michael Jackson.
Ed McMahon's passing makes me sad because I hope he died with dignity. I remember a while back hearing reports of his financial despair, foreclosure on his home, etc. Isn't it ironic that a man who spent many years allegedly making others rich through Publisher's Clearing House perhaps died in bankruptcy?
Farrah Fawcett has been so sick and suffered although she appeared to remain positive and hopeful until the end. I wonder how she would feel about sharing all this publicity with M.J. Unfortunately her dignified death of natural causes related to Cancer can not compete with the death of the King of Pop and all of his eccentricities.
Michael Jackson: I am so conflicted on the life of this man. I can remember being a little girl and wanting a folder with Michael's picture wearing a gold shirt halfway unbuttoned to put inside my Trapper Keeper. I do not think my mother would buy it for me but I remember really liking Michael Jackson. This was around the time of the Thriller era. We had fun in Elementary School singing his songs and imitating his voice.
It has been years since I have listed to his music. I sort of outgrew him as well as disconnected with him when he bought Lennon/McCartney rights to their music and battled with precious Paul over them. But I can never forget his massive humanitarian efforts including USA for Africa/We are the World that touched so many lives including my own.
We all are walking contradictions as we all fall short of the glory of God. We strive to be good, we strive to make improvements, change for the better and we are never good enough. I can forgive Michael Jackson for his shortcomings. But can I honor this icon as a legend or dare I say a King?
If my neighbor were accused of some of the explicit and grotesque perversions such as Mr. Jackson, I feel sure that my community(myself included) would oust him. We certainly would not want him in our neighborhood, near our schools, our children exposed to him. It would not matter to me whether he was acquitted or not, I would want nothing to do with the man ever again and I certainly would want my child protected from his kind. It would not matter if we were called judgemental. The risks would far out way any speculation. So why is it that we will (and our society will) immortalize him and wrap him in our memories in sheets of gold?
We had to say goodbye to Barrett's favorite zoo animal this summer. The gorilla, Jaime died a few days ago unexpectedly. He will be remembered in our household fondly as being gross and grody and funny. Barrett thoroughly enjoying watching him throw up and then eat his vomit once more. Visiting the gorilla has been a highlight of many a zoo trip for us.
Death, while a certainty of life is not an easy topic to discuss with a little one. It seems to be a recurring theme during the month of June. As we enter into July, I hope to visit new topics and give the subject of death a breather.
It has been said death comes in three's. There was Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and then Michael Jackson.
Ed McMahon's passing makes me sad because I hope he died with dignity. I remember a while back hearing reports of his financial despair, foreclosure on his home, etc. Isn't it ironic that a man who spent many years allegedly making others rich through Publisher's Clearing House perhaps died in bankruptcy?
Farrah Fawcett has been so sick and suffered although she appeared to remain positive and hopeful until the end. I wonder how she would feel about sharing all this publicity with M.J. Unfortunately her dignified death of natural causes related to Cancer can not compete with the death of the King of Pop and all of his eccentricities.
Michael Jackson: I am so conflicted on the life of this man. I can remember being a little girl and wanting a folder with Michael's picture wearing a gold shirt halfway unbuttoned to put inside my Trapper Keeper. I do not think my mother would buy it for me but I remember really liking Michael Jackson. This was around the time of the Thriller era. We had fun in Elementary School singing his songs and imitating his voice.
It has been years since I have listed to his music. I sort of outgrew him as well as disconnected with him when he bought Lennon/McCartney rights to their music and battled with precious Paul over them. But I can never forget his massive humanitarian efforts including USA for Africa/We are the World that touched so many lives including my own.
We all are walking contradictions as we all fall short of the glory of God. We strive to be good, we strive to make improvements, change for the better and we are never good enough. I can forgive Michael Jackson for his shortcomings. But can I honor this icon as a legend or dare I say a King?
If my neighbor were accused of some of the explicit and grotesque perversions such as Mr. Jackson, I feel sure that my community(myself included) would oust him. We certainly would not want him in our neighborhood, near our schools, our children exposed to him. It would not matter to me whether he was acquitted or not, I would want nothing to do with the man ever again and I certainly would want my child protected from his kind. It would not matter if we were called judgemental. The risks would far out way any speculation. So why is it that we will (and our society will) immortalize him and wrap him in our memories in sheets of gold?
We had to say goodbye to Barrett's favorite zoo animal this summer. The gorilla, Jaime died a few days ago unexpectedly. He will be remembered in our household fondly as being gross and grody and funny. Barrett thoroughly enjoying watching him throw up and then eat his vomit once more. Visiting the gorilla has been a highlight of many a zoo trip for us.
Death, while a certainty of life is not an easy topic to discuss with a little one. It seems to be a recurring theme during the month of June. As we enter into July, I hope to visit new topics and give the subject of death a breather.
Monday, June 1, 2009
The Miracle of the birth of Barrett
When Brandon & I got married, we had no idea that our first child would be conceived three short months later. I had been diagnosed with Graves Disease(thyroid) right before our wedding in April and was not feeling well at all. My doctor encouraged me to have radioactive treatment to kill my thyroid. She told me that I could not even consider pregnancy for at least a year due to this treatment. Although we were not planning on becoming pregnant during our first year of marriage, I did not feel comfortable having this procedure. My thinking on the matter was why kill something but leave it inside of me only to one day get cancer in the dead organ. I suggested that we just go ahead and take it out altogether. My surgeon agreed and took out my thyroid. After the surgery I felt so much better immediately. My doctor wanted me to discontinue all medication including blood pressure meds as the thyroid affects so many areas. She wanted to see what my body would do. She did advise that it would take up to a year for my body to fully adjust.
However, I had the surgery in July of 2005 and due to no meds, Barrett was born in March of the following year. He was delivered at 37 weeks due to my hypertension so we celebrated our one year anniversary in April with a newborn baby. Actually my mom gave us a much needed night of rest by keeping the baby. We had steak and asparagus and a little wine and passed out promptly.
I know Barrett was a miracle for several reasons...
First, I had some female problems and my cycle was not normal at all when we found out we were pregnant and not even trying. (I was not even having a period o.k. !)
Secondly, I had some spotting early in my pregnancy that caused me to have an early ultrasound. The technician was sweet and told us that she saw the sac but could not see a baby. She encouraged us that this was normal early on in pregnancy and the doctor would explain more when he looked at it.
I got the Dr. on-call which was unfortunate. I often wonder what things would have been like had Dr. Heaton been around to view my ultrasound that day. However, Dan Hudson was less than kind. He informed me that there was no baby in there and matter of factly stated that he was sorry and that was it. We were sent to the lab for me to have blood work that would need to be followed up within I want to say 24 hours although it is mostly a blur to me. All I know is that I left the Dr.'s office that day devastated that there was a possibility that my baby was not growing inside of me and that I had most likely miscarried. Looking back I was more upset than I could ever describe but something in me would not completely believe that Dr. Hudson knew what he was talking about. Some might call this denial but thanks be to God that my intuition was correct. I went back into the office on Saturday to have more blood drawn. My "numbers" were supossed to have "doubled" to indicate a healthy pregnancy. A long and grueling weekend went by and a horrible Monday followed and of course Henderson & Walton did not call as they said that they would. Fortunately, a dear friend of my mom's worked there and followed up with the nurses for me. The numbers did not double but they did elevate. The bad news would have been if they decreased. It is amazing that even now Barrett's doctors say that he is not even on the growth chart but he steadily grows on his "own growth chart". Everything with my pregnancy went fine after that. My blood pressure, as always was an issue which resulted in lots of doctor visits, non stress tests and a couple of visits to the hospital. It was all worth it to have this precious child. However, three years later my body STILL has not recovered. I had my gal bladder out this past December and my body acts like the body of a 60 year old. My doctor would tell you herself if she was not bound by HIPAA. :)
The real reason that we now know that Barrett is such a miracle is that he is still our only child. It is so beautiful to me that God had plans for us to be the parents of this wonderful & perfect child in His timing rather than our own. Had we waited, had we tried would we have ever even had a child? I can hardly even go there.
I will never feel jaded or wronged for not being able to get pregnant with a second child. I also will most likely not pursue the path of infertility options as we are so blessed with Barrett which is more than many trying couples could ever dream. I am able to see some of the terribly sad things couples experiencing infertility go through though I do not choose to feel them personally since I have a child. It makes me sensitive to their needs and the insensitive way in which they are oftentimes treated. I hate going to the doctor's office and seeing pregnant bellies all over the place and knowing that there are women in there that unlike me do not have a child at home. Of all places, the office of a gynecologist should be in tune with the feelings of women and their needs. Other people are also unreal with their questions, their judgements, their comments.
I choose to be open about my situation. I choose not to feel sad or burdened for not being able thus far to have conceived a second child. I choose to look at my one child as a miracle and the best blessing God could ever have given to me. I think of all the things I wanted my whole life and the many things I begged God for and I did not get. He knew the best and He gave me the best. I am so very thankful!
That being said, although I choose to feel this way because for me if I never have another child, I am fulfilled. I would like to have another child. I would love for Barrett to have a sibling in which to go through life side by side. It makes me sad to think of him not having a brother or sister when I think about my life and my brother. However, he is so blessed to have such loving family and friends. Barrett will be fine. We will be fine. We have a great family. Some people, however, do not feel this way. Some do not want to talk about these feelings. Some do not want to be asked when they are going to have another child just because it's "time". Some do not wish to have to disclose the desires of their heart to anyone and everyone who asks the questions they think they deserve to know just because they feel that no one should have an only child or desire to have only one child.
When you ask me the questions, you will get the most straight and honest answer that I can give to answer "When is Barrett going to have a sibling?, Isn't it "time"to have another child, "have you been trying to get pregnant". I will simply say from my heart that this situation is in God's hands and when and if he is ready to give us a child, we will be ready.
However, I had the surgery in July of 2005 and due to no meds, Barrett was born in March of the following year. He was delivered at 37 weeks due to my hypertension so we celebrated our one year anniversary in April with a newborn baby. Actually my mom gave us a much needed night of rest by keeping the baby. We had steak and asparagus and a little wine and passed out promptly.
I know Barrett was a miracle for several reasons...
First, I had some female problems and my cycle was not normal at all when we found out we were pregnant and not even trying. (I was not even having a period o.k. !)
Secondly, I had some spotting early in my pregnancy that caused me to have an early ultrasound. The technician was sweet and told us that she saw the sac but could not see a baby. She encouraged us that this was normal early on in pregnancy and the doctor would explain more when he looked at it.
I got the Dr. on-call which was unfortunate. I often wonder what things would have been like had Dr. Heaton been around to view my ultrasound that day. However, Dan Hudson was less than kind. He informed me that there was no baby in there and matter of factly stated that he was sorry and that was it. We were sent to the lab for me to have blood work that would need to be followed up within I want to say 24 hours although it is mostly a blur to me. All I know is that I left the Dr.'s office that day devastated that there was a possibility that my baby was not growing inside of me and that I had most likely miscarried. Looking back I was more upset than I could ever describe but something in me would not completely believe that Dr. Hudson knew what he was talking about. Some might call this denial but thanks be to God that my intuition was correct. I went back into the office on Saturday to have more blood drawn. My "numbers" were supossed to have "doubled" to indicate a healthy pregnancy. A long and grueling weekend went by and a horrible Monday followed and of course Henderson & Walton did not call as they said that they would. Fortunately, a dear friend of my mom's worked there and followed up with the nurses for me. The numbers did not double but they did elevate. The bad news would have been if they decreased. It is amazing that even now Barrett's doctors say that he is not even on the growth chart but he steadily grows on his "own growth chart". Everything with my pregnancy went fine after that. My blood pressure, as always was an issue which resulted in lots of doctor visits, non stress tests and a couple of visits to the hospital. It was all worth it to have this precious child. However, three years later my body STILL has not recovered. I had my gal bladder out this past December and my body acts like the body of a 60 year old. My doctor would tell you herself if she was not bound by HIPAA. :)
The real reason that we now know that Barrett is such a miracle is that he is still our only child. It is so beautiful to me that God had plans for us to be the parents of this wonderful & perfect child in His timing rather than our own. Had we waited, had we tried would we have ever even had a child? I can hardly even go there.
I will never feel jaded or wronged for not being able to get pregnant with a second child. I also will most likely not pursue the path of infertility options as we are so blessed with Barrett which is more than many trying couples could ever dream. I am able to see some of the terribly sad things couples experiencing infertility go through though I do not choose to feel them personally since I have a child. It makes me sensitive to their needs and the insensitive way in which they are oftentimes treated. I hate going to the doctor's office and seeing pregnant bellies all over the place and knowing that there are women in there that unlike me do not have a child at home. Of all places, the office of a gynecologist should be in tune with the feelings of women and their needs. Other people are also unreal with their questions, their judgements, their comments.
I choose to be open about my situation. I choose not to feel sad or burdened for not being able thus far to have conceived a second child. I choose to look at my one child as a miracle and the best blessing God could ever have given to me. I think of all the things I wanted my whole life and the many things I begged God for and I did not get. He knew the best and He gave me the best. I am so very thankful!
That being said, although I choose to feel this way because for me if I never have another child, I am fulfilled. I would like to have another child. I would love for Barrett to have a sibling in which to go through life side by side. It makes me sad to think of him not having a brother or sister when I think about my life and my brother. However, he is so blessed to have such loving family and friends. Barrett will be fine. We will be fine. We have a great family. Some people, however, do not feel this way. Some do not want to talk about these feelings. Some do not want to be asked when they are going to have another child just because it's "time". Some do not wish to have to disclose the desires of their heart to anyone and everyone who asks the questions they think they deserve to know just because they feel that no one should have an only child or desire to have only one child.
When you ask me the questions, you will get the most straight and honest answer that I can give to answer "When is Barrett going to have a sibling?, Isn't it "time"to have another child, "have you been trying to get pregnant". I will simply say from my heart that this situation is in God's hands and when and if he is ready to give us a child, we will be ready.
Up
Here goes my first movie review:
I went to see Up today at the Rave. I was expecting to tollerate the film for my 3 year old son and maybe get a little warm & fuzzy, "that was cute" feeling. However, this film is a must see for adults. Sure it has vivid color and cute characters that appeal to children. The storyline, however is truly heartwarming and causes the viewer to look into himself and reevaluate the things in life that matter the most. I was reminded of Rick Burgess speaking at his son's memorial service when he spoke of stomping into the carpet the crayons that were left in the middle of the office floor that once aggravated him so much. He spoke of the lack of importance of this material thing that once seemed otherwise. I was left thinking about the things that matter most to me in my life and how we sometimes focus so much on making our dreams come true that we miss the most special moments that are right before our very eyes. When it is all said and done, perhaps our dreams weren't all we hoped they would be and we look back on our lives at the most ordinary of days and realize those times were better than even our wildest of dreams.
I went to see Up today at the Rave. I was expecting to tollerate the film for my 3 year old son and maybe get a little warm & fuzzy, "that was cute" feeling. However, this film is a must see for adults. Sure it has vivid color and cute characters that appeal to children. The storyline, however is truly heartwarming and causes the viewer to look into himself and reevaluate the things in life that matter the most. I was reminded of Rick Burgess speaking at his son's memorial service when he spoke of stomping into the carpet the crayons that were left in the middle of the office floor that once aggravated him so much. He spoke of the lack of importance of this material thing that once seemed otherwise. I was left thinking about the things that matter most to me in my life and how we sometimes focus so much on making our dreams come true that we miss the most special moments that are right before our very eyes. When it is all said and done, perhaps our dreams weren't all we hoped they would be and we look back on our lives at the most ordinary of days and realize those times were better than even our wildest of dreams.
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